Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Comfort of Familiarity

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me since we've been back from Italy. It's not a matter of getting back to regular life that has been getting me down. As much as I love traveling, I love being home. What's not to love about San Francisco, right? What has put me in a funk is this new series and house hunting.

This was freshly waxed this morning. "And the Winner Is..." 36"x36"
I am still struggling with getting what I see in my head to work out on panel. I feel like I am just banging my head on the wall with this one. I know that one day, hopefully soon, it will just click. I'm just not there yet. And while I know that this is part of the process, it sure can get me down. Somedays I wish I was trying to do something easy, but I know that easy doesn't get you far. Other days I think that maybe I shouldn't try and change things up, but then I remember that stagnation is not where I want to be. It's a struggle, painting something new, but I hear it makes you stronger as an artist and who doesn't want to be that?

We are also house hunting, and even though the economy isn't that great, in San Francisco there seems to be at least five bidders for every house out there. We have lost out on a few of them and it has been extremely frustrating. There are few places where half a million dollars gets you very little, or where bidding $70,000 over asking doesn't get you a house. That is quite normal in San Francisco. It doesn't help that we are looking for an in-law space that I can convert into a studio. Finding a place big enough for us to live in without feeling cramped, include an area for a home studio, and have a garage large enough to hold my husband's very large tools (think table saw, ban saw, drill press, and a lathe) is not easy, unless you are willing to do a LOT of remodeling. I know there's a house out there that is right for us. I just wish it were here already.

I finished this yesterday and waxed it this morning. "Cats and Dogs" 24"x24"
So here I am, on a roller coaster of emotions, which has had a lot of downs lately. I am finding that I am needing to be extra nice to myself (and fortunately for me, my husband is the best at making me feel better). I have been going to the studio and painting, but I am painting what makes me feel good. I am painting what is comforting and familiar. I am painting as therapy. I am putting myself in a place where I know I can succeed. Once I feel better, I'll go back to banging my head against this new series. Maybe by then we will have bought a house.

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