Cue in the Self-Doubt

Here's is what I am working on now. Since it is not part
of the new series, I am posting it.

For those of you who think that I don't have any self-doubt about my artistic ability, you're wrong. At the moment I am full of self-doubt. In fact, I am kind of drowning in it. I assume most artists experience this at some point, especially when trying something new, like, say a new series.  I am no different.

I have been working for three days trying to get what is in my head out on a panel and it hasn't been working. Part of it is my unfamiliarity with what I am trying to do. Part of it is impatience. I have worked so long on tight, figurative paintings that loosing up and doing something more "abstract" has been difficult. I am frustrated that I am not getting the results that I want NOW. I guess it's ridiculous for me to expect after three days to be proficient at something new, but I can't help it. I have expectations of myself and failure is not one of them. I am not very patient. I like instant gratification and so far I have hated everything I have tried for this new work. So here I am frustrated and doubting myself. What do I do now?

I think the best thing for me is to work on something familiar for the moment. I started a new "Forgotten Memories" painting and I am feeling pretty good about my abilities as an artist again. I'm thinking the best plan for me is to work on the new stuff in between the familiar so that I have some success in between the frustration...at least until the new stuff starts to click with me. I don't want to give up my vision for this new series because, one, I think it's a worthwhile series, but also because I don't want to be a quitter. Being challenged and frustrated will help me grow as an artist, and growth is very important. I've said it before, and I will say it again: I don't ever want to become too comfortable or stagnant as an artist. If this means having moments of self-doubt and anxiety in order to do something new, then so be it. I know that the only way I can work through this is to keep painting and to paint A LOT. It's only through a lot of painting that I will be able to work things out and, hopefully sooner than later, get what I see in my head out for the rest of the world to see.

Can you figure out the "story" yet in this painting?

This painting is 36"x36". I am really liking this size.

New Series Anxiety

I am working on a new series this summer and with any new series there comes an anxiety, one that can create self-doubt and stifle creativity. Will people respond to it as the did to my last series? Will the galleries that represent me want to show it? Will it be a success? These, in addition to comments by the few people who have seen the work in progress, can really make for a tense time while creating.

When you are an artist that is known for a particular style and aesthetic, and you have been working in the same series for the past three and a half years, it's hard to try something new. I have been itching to do something different but, until now, I didn't know what to do. I had a few false starts in the last few years and nothing I tried really stuck or made me passionate enough about it that I wanted to continue working on it. It's hard. It took me a VERY long time to develop my "Forgotten Memories" series (think a life-time of painting and trying things out) and it is because of this series that I have gallery representation. Coming up with a series that would still look like my work BUT still show progress is hard.

I have been mulling over the current series for a few months, figuring out my concept, deciding on how I would execute it. Now I am ready to execute. I haven't quite figured everything out, no one ever does, and I am sure that things will change as I work, but that's part of the process. I started my first piece this weekend and so far, I am happy with it. It is still part "Forgotten Memories" since I am still using old photos and the bars over the eyes, but I've added another element to it that adds another dimension to the piece.

What is that element, you ask? Well, as hard as it is for me not to tell you or post the works in progress, I have decided to wait until I have a body of work before I show it. There's a few reasons for this. One is that I need to be able to work out issues and figure things out while painting without other people's ideas, criticism, comments influencing (or trying to) me. I don't want other people's ideas of what it SHOULD look like or what they THINK it should look like get in the way of my vision. In order for this series to work and be something that I can be passionate enough to continue, it has to be about what I want and see in my head. I don't want to worry about disappointing people if I don't use their ideas or suggestions.

Another reason for not showing any updates is that I think showing the series as a body of work will make more of an impact. I want to be able to weed out the mediocre pieces and show a strong body of work that will, hopefully, excite people and make them want to see it in person...as an installation. I want my galleries to see the work and be able to imagine what it would look like in their gallery as a complete show. I want there to be a number of pieces people can look at and decide which ones are their favorites.

So, despite my impulse to post the work now, I am going to wait until the end of summer and reveal it then. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I can execute what I see in my head in paint and have another good series that I am proud of!

The First Week...

This painting has a tiny bit of work left, and then it needs to be waxed.
I will be shipping this tomorrow, along with the last two pieces
completed, to Julie Nester Gallery in Park City, UT. This piece is 30"x24".

The first week of my summer break has come and gone and a lot of work was completed. I am leaving for a well-deserved (I think) vacation to Italy with my husband in two days and before we can leave, I have to finish three paintings and ship/ deliver thirteen pieces to four different galleries. It's going to be a hectic two days as I try and coordinate everything, pack for our trip, oh, and did I mention that we are making an offer in absentia on the cutest house ever, while we are gone? We are hoping to find out at the end of this week that our offer is accepted, but, as those of you who live in San Francisco know, for every house that's for sale, there's anywhere from 5 to 10 other people bidding on it. Hopefully we will find out that we got the house and will be celebrating this in Italy. Keep your fingers crossed! It will be our first house we are buying and it is a scary, nerve-wracking process, but we have a great realtor who is holding our hand through the process. Lots of changes are happening for us!

In other news...I have started the first piece in my new series and I am so excited to be working on something new! It may be a long time before I post anything online since I want to make sure I work out any "kinks" and have a good body of work before I reveal it. Stay tuned...

On Being a "Cop Out"

I started this painting yesterday and what do you notice?
Yup, them there are eyes!

Recently I was talking to my art assistant about art, as we tend to do while working in the studio. He mentioned that his teacher had seen my work at the SF Fine Art Fair and they were discussing my paintings in his art class. There was some mixed reactions about the bars over the eyes, which is not surprising. Some people felt they were creepy and, while good, could not see my work in an average person's home. People have different tastes in art and that is okay so these comments did not bother me. But what stuck in my head was the comment one student said. He said he thought I was a "cop out" for putting bars over the eyes because that meant I couldn't paint the eyes. Of course I immediately defended myself to my art assistant and said that EVERY painting I do has the eyes painted in. In fact, I always start with eyes because that was my favorite part. (One may ask why I then cover the eyes if they are my favorite part, but that's another bog post.)

I've been rolling that comment around in my head since Sunday and part of me wants to email the student and tell him I do know how to paint eyes or refer him to my blog where he can see my works in progress. In the end, I decided it was just one kid's opinion. It did make me think about what it means to be a "cop out".

This one is almost done. I did a lot of work on her hair
yesterday.

"Cop out": Choosing not to do something out of fear of failing. How many times have we looked at someone else's work and heard those words? How many times have we thought this ourselves? I have heard people say this about abstract work stating that abstract artists paint this way because they can't paint figuratively. I've heard people use these words on people who use projectors or any other tool that makes our jobs as artists easier. Anytime a body part is consistently missing or blurred in a body a work, I have heard someone say the artist must not be able to paint that body part and is also a "cop out". Once I had an artist tell me I was a "cop out" because I used photos from Flickr as references instead of using my imagination and painting the images in my head or shooting the images myself.

I have a little work to do on the woman's hands, but otherwise
I think this is pretty much done.

Everybody seems to have an opinion about other people's artwork, and it's not always a positive one. That's okay. We are allowed our opinions and we all have different tastes in art. But why do people feel the need to make judgement calls on the artist's ability instead of saying they just don't care for the work? Why must we label artists as "cop outs"? The question most people don't ask themselves is are the artists really "copping out" or are they just making artistic, stylistic choices? Perhaps they are just playing up to their strengths and choosing to paint this way for a reason. I have seen art where every person in the painting is facing away from the viewer. Does the person hate painting faces and is avoiding them or is this their intent for other reasons? Does it really matter? If I enjoyed the work would it even matter if the artist couldn't paint faces? I'd like to think that it doesn't but maybe that's just me.

My Happy Place

It is summer vacation and while most people would be sleeping in late and relaxing, perhaps even traveling, I am on a full-time paint schedule, and I couldn't be happier. FINALLY my only concern for the day is which painting to work on instead of the sixty million other things that would occupy my mind. FINALLY I can spend my whole day in my studio, with my headphones on and a brush in my hand, oblivious to the rest of the world. FINALLY I can relax and just paint. For some this may not seem like a vacation, but for me, it is heaven. That's not to say I won't be leaving town and spending some time doing what normal people do while on vacation. I will. In fact, my husband and I will be traveling to Italy soon and I couldn't be more excited. I'll be sure to post images of the beautiful art and food we encounter. Until then, it's back to my happy place, my studio! Yay!

One of two pieces I hope to get done by tomorrow. This is 24"x30".

The second of two...this one is 30"x30".

Yup, this one again...can you even tell I have worked on this some more? This one will
probably take me all summer...mostly because I only work on it once a week in my
class....but also because I am trying to get this as realistic as possible. I'm still on layer
one of color. Three more to go!

New Ideas, Summer Vacation, and Color

My work art the san Francisco Fine Art Fair this weekend.
I was showing with ArtHaus Gallery.

Today is the start of a good week. It is the last week of teaching before summer break, and also the last time I will be working full-time. Next year I will be working until noon, then heading to my studio to paint for the rest of the day. That's easily 6-7 hours of painting time a day! I am extremely excited to once again make art my primary career.
Two years ago I had quit my job in order to paint full-time. I loved being able to spend ALL my time painting and not worrying about being too exhausted to paint after teaching all day. Unfortunately that didn't last very long since my husband and I suddenly found ourselves with no health insurance, and well,  we really needed it. As much as I hated doing it, I went back to work, basically for the health insurance. Now my school is willing to let me work part-time in order to keep me on staff, and next year, I will be able to paint most of the day and still get health insurance for my husband and I. Oh happy day!

I am also pretty excited about a new series I have in the works. I'm not going to spill the beans just yet since I still have some things to work out in my head, but if it works out, I think everyone will like it. Let's just say that color may be working itself into my work, but not in a way you would think. I'll still be working on my "Forgotten Memories" series since, frankly, I owe a LOT of my galleries work still. But while I am working on those pieces, I plan on executing this new series and will hopefully be able to reveal it by the end of summer. I get so excited though and have a hard time not posting what I am working online so you may get a sneak peak earlier.

Lastly, I am continuing my instruction with Sadie Valeri on Flemish style painting. I'm really enjoying the break from what I normally do and the academic aspect of painting. It takes a lot of brain power out of me and I seem to be moving at a snail's pace, but I'm enjoying it and will probably continue through the end of the year. Here is the latest on the same painting I have been working on since the end of March:

This is my first pass of at least three, with color. In the almost five hours I worked on it, I only
 managed to work on the copper pitcher, and even then, I didn't touch the right side much.
At this pace I may be done with this at the end of the year...

My painting in one of Lanoue Fine Art's window in Boston.

My work at Artpad SF this weekend. I was showing with 111 Minna Gallery.

It's Been a Long Time

I have been a bad blogger. It's been a long time since the last time I wrote anything, and even longer since I wrote anything substantial. These past few months have been crazy for me and will continue to be so for another three weeks. But there is a light at the end of this tunnel. At the end of May I will be done with my time-consuming online class I have to take, the school year will be over, and I will no longer be working full-time (keep your fingers crossed...that's what they told me LAST year too and I ended up full-time the week before school started). This means more time for blogging and more importantly, more time for painting. I seem to have a never ending list of paintings I must do and ship out to galleries. More than ever, in fact. This is a great thing since it means my work is selling and I need to supply my galleries with more work. I am hoping that part of my life never slows down. Let's keep our fingers crossed for that one.

So while I don't have anything important to say, I do have some work to show.

This is the painting I started yesterday. It's a funny picture of some kids playing
 "rescuer", I assume, since one of the kids is on a stretcher. It is a 36"x36" panel.

A close up of the painting I started yesterday. It's REALLY rough.

This is my most recent painting. It is 30"x 30" Once it's waxed, it will be available
through ArtHaus Gallery at this year's SF Art Fine Art Fair.

This is my painting for the Advanced Open Studio class I am taking. I have spent three
consecutive Sundays working on the open grisaille stage, and I'm still not done.
This is the longest any painting has ever taken me, but i am trying to be patient on this one.
 Hopefully the next class I will be able to start painting in color...