A Case of the "Shoulds"

We've all suffered from this. We have all made ourselves feel guilty over it. You know you have too. I'm talking about a case of the "shoulds", the overwhelming feeling of guilt that comes over you when you feel like you should be doing something else (usually entailing work of some kind) while doing absolutely nothing***. So far, there is no cure.

I have been suffering from a case of the "shoulds" all weekend. After feeling a little sick on Friday, I decided that I wasn't going to go in to the studio and paint, thinking that laying in bed and resting would do me better. But then that nagging voice in my head started in about what I should be doing. I should be finishing my painting that I have been working on all week. I should be researching galleries to submit my work to. I should be responding back to a bunch of emails I have been neglecting. I should be cleaning my apartment. But on Friday, I didn't let it get the best of me. I was actually able to rest up and felt a bit better by that evening.

Saturday was a different story though. I had a high school friend in town, one I haven't seen SINCE high school, and she wanted to see my art. Since I didn't get in to the studio on Friday, I figured I should get some work done while I was waiting for my friend to show up. And so I did. I gave in to the "shoulds" and stayed for a good 6 hours, and guess what? I feel more sick today than I did on Friday. What I really should have done was rested some more.

Now I know it isn't easy to resist the "shoulds". I am usually powerless to it's power and succumb almost instantly. It's usually hard for me to just relax and do nothing. I can't help it. There's just too many things I should be doing instead. But sometimes, especially when it comes to your health, you just have to stop listening to that voice in your head. You need to take care of YOU. I think today I am going to try and do that.

*** Other strands of the "shoulds" include:
1. What your parents think you should be doing with your life. This one is tough to resist and only the strongest will survive.
2. What society (television, advertisers, cultural norms, and anything else that likes to tell us what to look like, eat, or buy, etc.)  thinks you should do. 

Here's the progress I made yesterday when I should have been resting.

Here's a detail. I still need to work on this boy and add spokes to the rear tire of the bike. 

Teaching and Painting

Getting used to my new schedule hasn't been easy. Working in the morning and then painting all day has taken some time to get used to, especially since I have to get up at 6am now. Fortunately my husband is very good at having dinner ready and waiting for me when I get home. I have also started drinking coffee again, which helps, and surprisingly my energy has been pretty good (must be the B12 I've been taking!). It's not my ideal schedule but, it's been working and I have been painting the same amount everyday so far. I find that after teaching three Pre-Calculus and Advanced Algebra morning classes (and dealing with teenagers!), it's nice to "veg" out in the studio and paint in order to "de-stress".

If I had to take a job, this was definitely the best possible one for me to take. The kids are good and my teaching schedule is perfect. Now if only I could clone myself so that the other things I am neglecting  (like house-cleaning and paperwork) can get done....a girl can wish!

Now on to the progress of my latest painting...

Here is a close-up of the first boy. I am pretty pleased with the way his ear turned out. It's probably the best ear I have ever painted. I was able to finish him up and can now concentrate on the other boy and the bike. 

Bicycles on a Beautiful Day

It was a BEAUTIFUL day in San Francisco today. It was the perfect Spring day, except that it's winter. It's the kind of day where you really should be outside, basking in the sunlight. So what did I do today? I was was in my studio painting. I am really loving my latest painting, and although sunshine is a rarity in SF, especially this time of the year, I couldn't wait to get inside my studio and paint.

I am starting to pick more complicated and challenging images to paint now. I feel pretty confident in my abilities and am wanting more than just the basic person posing in front of the camera. This newest one has a bicycle in it, but not only does it have a bicycle (which is complicated on it's own), but the bike is at a weird angle. I was a little afraid of starting this piece cause I wasn't so sure if I could paint the bike but so far it, I think it looks pretty good. I still have a ton of work on this painting but so far, I am happy with the results. Take a look:

I did the drawing and got to this point yesterday.

As you can see, I got a lot of work done today. The spokes on the bike will be interesting to do. I'm not sure how I will approach it yet. I want to not get caught up in all of the details (which I tend to do) and just give the "impression" of the spokes, along with the bike. I am trying to paint more loosely with this one.

The Latest...Finally

I finally had a chance to take some good photos of the last two paintings I completed...ehem....over a week ago. Like I said before, its been pretty crazy for me.

So now I am sitting in my studio, ready for a full day of painting, and what am I doing? Updating my website and blog! Not exactly what I wanted to do, but oh so necessary. I still have a stack of emails to respond to, but I think I'll wait until tomorrow.

"Striped Scarf" 2011, 24" x 24", oil and encaustic wax on panel

"Missing the Target" 2011, 24"x30", oil and encaustic wax on panel

Adjustments to My Schedule

Ruth Asawa and her beautiful sculptures.

It's been a week since I last posted anything on my blog, mainly because I have had a crazy last couple of days. I posted sometime in December that I was offered a teaching job at the Ruth Asawa School of the Arts in San Francisco. It would be a math position, where I would teach pre-calculus and advanced algebra, and the job would last from January to May. I was torn as to whether I would take the job but finally decided that I couldn't turn down this opportunity. I would only be teaching from 8am to 12:20 and could still be in the studio for at least five hours a day, which is the minimum hours I need to feel like I am painting full-time.

Since I decided to take the job, I spent all weekend and most of this week filling out paperwork, ordering transcripts, getting fingerprinted, and verifying my previous employment (which meant I had to go to my previous school districts and get them to sign some forms). I met with the principal, scoped out my "new" classroom, and tried to get together my lesson plans. In addition to this, I celebrated a birthday, visited my mother-in-law in Portland, had a studio visit by one of my favorite galleries, all while trying to get in some painting time. I started teaching this Thursday morning, getting up at 6am for the first time since June, with little more than 4 hours of sleep.  Needless to say, I haven't had much time to blog.

So far, teaching at SOTA has been great. There are so many creative kids there and they have been great in welcoming me to the school. It's not easy starting mid-year, when students have already established their routines. The last thing they probably want is to have a new teacher come in and completely change things up, but they are surviving and so am I. I don't think this will impact my painting schedule too much. I am usually in the studio around noon, and with my teaching schedule, I can still get in at a reasonable time. I am still painting full-time but now I am also a part-time math teacher, at least until May 27th, when I transform back into JUST an artist. It will be an interesting couple of months to say the least.

On a side note, those of you residing in the Bay Area, I have 12 paintings at Artzone 461 Gallery (461 Valencia St. @ 16th St.) for their "Small Works, Small Prices" show in their side gallery. The opening reception is this Saturday, January 22nd, from 5-8pm. I will be there and I also made up a couple batches of my special homemade truffles. Tomorrow's flavors are ginger with sugar crystals and bing cherry with pecans. Please stop by and say "Hi!".

First Attempt at Color

Color Study 1: Jellyfish, 8" x 6"

 Yesterday I finally received the rest of the colors I needed in order to start some color studies. I was excited and ready to experiment when I got to the studio today, thinking this shouldn't be too hard. I used to paint in acrylics ten years ago and used color back then, so how hard could this be, right? Wrong. The main obstacle that I found today was that the paint just wouldn't dry fast enough. Because of this, my colors kept getting muddied and it was hard to get any crisp, bright colors and highlights.

I have been using oil paints for the past two years but was only using two colors, raw umber and white. With just two colors, you're not going to get mud when the colors mix (okay, maybe you will with raw umber, but it's actually what I want then). You're not going to have the colors dull, as I did today, because there aren't any. Two colors are easy to work, many colors are not. I also remembered that when I was using acrylics, I used to have a blow dryer handy since I was too impatient for those paints to dry. Now I have to have even MORE patience since these are oil paints and they can take forever to dry! Grrrr. I don't know if I can wait that long between layers of paint.

I did talk to a few fellow studio-mates about what to do. (I'm a self-taught artist so I really have no idea how to use oils and the MANY different things you can add to it.) It was suggested that I add some galkyd or liquin to the paint in order to speed the drying but since these are already alkyd oil paints, I'm not sure that will help all that much. It was also suggested that I work on more than one painting at a time so that I have something else to paint while I wait for current painting to dry. (I could always do some pre-calculus while the paint dries too. I've been known to do that on occasion.) This will probably be the best solution for me.

Another "problem" was that I wasn't used to mixing colors. I just couldn't get the colors or shades that I wanted. I think this will get better with more practice, and I plan on getting lots of it.  I had to stop painting since the paint needs to dry before I can add more to it. I am also thinking of covering this in wax just to see what that would look like. These  are all studies/ experiments so I'll probably try a few things over the finished pieces. 

Overall, I was pretty happy with what I painted today. I realize it's not a masterpiece and probably not as good as my black and white paintings yet, but I think I'll eventually get there with more practice.  

Two Finished Paintings

I finally finished the oil portion of this painting. I was extremely happy with the way the fabric looks on this one. The striped scarf and floral shirt look like actual flowing fabric and patterns aren't exactly easy to paint. The hand looks better, although I think I could use more practice on hands in general. Overall, I like the way this painting turned out. The only thing left on this one is the wax layer.

I also finished the couple painting, finally. I think this painting, along with the other three similar pieces, will be available only through my studio. I am not painting a lot of these so it doesn't make sense to include these, along with the "Forgotten Memories" paintings, at the galleries that show my work. I want to be able to show consistent work at galleries and these explorations aren't quite good enough in concept or execution to show with my other work. They are more experimentations. These, and the color studies that I will be starting (TODAY!) are my way of exploring other possibilities and having fun. I will be showing them on my blog, because I think it's good to record my process and progress, but they have a long ways before making it into a gallery. In the meantime, please email me if you would like to purchase any of these pieces or have questions about them. If you would like a "Forgotten Memories"painting, you can contact the gallery directly (websites located on the side bar) or email me and I can direct you to the appropriate gallery. 

"Missing the Target", 24" x 30"