New Year's Resolutions, Part 1

I am not a fan of New Year's Resolutions. I never have been. I guess I got tired of feeling guilty that I broke them so quickly. Instead, what I do is make a list of things I want to accomplish for the coming year. I make a list of big goals and little ones, and then I put them in an envelope and "hide" it in a safe place. At the end of the year I read the list and cross off what I've accomplished. I guess these are just like resolutions but having them in a "to do" list format seems to make them less intimidating. It's a good feeling to cross things off my list and see what I've accomplished at the end of the year. I don't worry about what HASN'T been done, those items can go on next year's list if I still find them to still be important to accomplish, I just focus on what HAS been accomplished. Goals and needs change, just as I change, so I always evaluate whether or not the things not crossed off are important enough to make the list again the following year.

This year, I only crossed off three things in a list of ten. Now, I can beat myself up for only doing three, except that when I look at what's on the list and what I accomplished, these are pretty big things. I also made some great headway on some of the things I didn't cross off. Here's what I wrote:

1. Have at least 5 galleries represent me. Well this one didn't get crossed off the list on a technicality. I can list 3 galleries that actually represent me and 1 art consultant who has a private gallery that does. I also have one gallery that has a good body of work at their establishment but I am not on their website. Am I showing in 5 galleries? Yes, but I can't say I am represented by them all so I didn't cross this item off my list. Now, I am pretty proud of how far I've come. When I wrote this item on the list, I had ZERO representation. I think I did pretty well in a year on this one. Next year this will definitely be crossed off.

2. Sell enough art to make a good living. Once again, this was not crossed off. I did make a LOT more money than I have in previous years. I was actually in the black all year, and I have a lot of art expenses! But I figure this is still a foundation year. I worked pretty hard on making quality work and getting galleries to show my work. This coming year will be even more profitable, I am predicting, since my name and work is getting out there.

3. Buy a house in Portland, OR. Back when I wrote this list, my then boyfriend, now husband and I were seriously contemplating moving to Portland but things have changed. We still want to buy a house but now we may be staying in San Francisco where there's more work for him. Like I said, things change. Needs change.

4. Get Married. Funny how when I wrote this, my husband and I weren't even engaged and now we are married! I guess I knew then that he was the one. Married. Check. This one was big one to get crossed off my list.

5. Go to Italy. Nope, didn't get there, but someday....

6. Quit my job. YES!!! DONE! COMPLETED! I love being an artist and painting for the majority of my day! Once again, a HUGE thing to cross off my list.

7. Exercise. This was crossed off although I think I can still be better at this. I have joined a gym and go on a semi-regular schedule.

8. Weigh what I weighed when I first met my husband two years ago. When I met him I was a a nice 138 lbs. (I am 5'8") but I have now gained 12 lbs of "love" and would like to give it back. It was only 8lbs. when I wrote this on my list. Maybe I should revise this to "not gain any more weight" for next year.

9. Feng Shui the apartment. You'd think that would be an easy one, but I didn't have time to do it. When I did have some extra time, I actually forgot it was on my list.  Oh well.

10. Learn to forgive my family.  Another huge one that I am still working on. Having everyone show up to my wedding helped. I'm getting there....

Tomorrow I will make my new list of things to accomplish for 2011. Happy New Year!

Painting 2 in the New Series

Today I finished the second piece in my new, and still untitled, series. I am finding that I need to work on multiple pieces at a time. One to two days are needed to paint the images of the women, and one day, at least, is needed for the wax and embellishments. Sometimes that last part takes longer, depending on how long it takes me to come up with the random components that I add on top of the wax. If I have three pieces going at the same time, I can paint the image of one while the wax heats up for the other piece and I am thinking about the embellishments of the third.

I am still trying to figure out where this series is going, which is probably why I have not come up with a title for the series or for the "completed" paintings. (I use "" on the word completed since I may still add small things to the pieces.) I am open to ideas if anyone wants to make a suggestion. I probably won't be adding these to my website until I have a couple of more paintings done (and some titles!) so this is the only place you will be able to see this work....for now.

Break Through on a Series

Today I had a break through. I was "stuck" at the studio all day since my car was in the shop. Consequently I was left me with a good 7 hours to paint today. Because of this, I had a lot of time to contemplate my next couple of moves on my painting and now I am done with it! I am so happy with the results. It has the right about of randomness, "grit", and tightness that I was looking for. This is exactly the direction that I would like my new series to take and it wasn't easy for me to get here, but I am here.

I also have two more pieces in the works. I will probably be using some anatomical drawings, especially bones, in these pieces. I have always been fascinated with anatomy (I can name about 80% of the bones in a body of the top of my head) and have used bone and heart drawings in previous paintings. I also realize that there is a slight morbid connection between these images of people now long gone and having random bones (or teeth as in the above image), which implies death,  juxtaposed with them. I want to play with it and make it a subtle aspect of the paintings. Of course, I say this now, but tomorrow when I am actually painting, it may not work or I may feel differently. Either way, I am liking the more spontaneous nature of these paintings. 

The pre-waxed stage of this painting.

For Better or Worse

Now that Christmas has come and gone, I am hoping to get back to my regular paint schedule and start getting serious about this new series. I was able to work on two paintings today and am feeling like I am starting to get the hang of this. The work is definitely evolving from what I first imagined, and I hope it's in a good direction.

First up is the one I started last week. I was feeling like it was looking too generic, like there was nothing special, or "edgy", about the piece having just the image of the woman painted on the panel. I added a stripe of text from an old book to the left side, not really sure where I was going with that. I left it for a few days and spent Christmas with my husband, watching MANY movies. 

One of the films that we watched was "Beautiful Losers", a documentary on a group of DIY artists that were greatly influenced by skateboarding, graffiti, and music. They went from being "outsiders" to the mainstream, and are now being shown in some pretty big national and international galleries. The work is no where near like what I am doing now, and I don't plan on changing what I do, but it was great to see them have this "no fear" mentality about their work. This is what they did and you could either accept it or not, but it was who they were so deal with it. It was a great film and I liked their mentality and decided that I needed to take more chances with my art. I went back into the studio with a bunch of ideas of how I wanted to integrate more "grit" into my work, whatever that means. I was going to take more risks with my art and just let things happen, for better or for worse.  

So back to my painting...I added a robin's egg blue to the panel thinking this would be enough for this piece, but now, the more I look at it, I am thinking it needs more. It's still "too pretty". Tomorrow I will be adding a drawing component to the piece, and perhaps more wax so that the woman is set back even more. This is still looking too "safe" for me. I already have something in mind so we'll see tomorrow if it works out. 

I also started the oil painting background of the next piece. This is still underpainting so tomorrow I will finish it up and it will be ready to wax on Wednesday. 

I am getting pretty excited about this series. I'm excited to just throw caution to the wind (or in this case, wax and oil to the panel) and see what sticks. I plan on getting a bit dirty and playing with random juxtapositions of elements in my work. It's going to be fun!

First Attempt

I've been thinking about starting a new series for awhile and today was the first chance that I was able to work on it. I had an idea in my head that would focus on the facial features of the face with the majority of the person whited out. Just hints of the other aspects of the person would be showing through, giving a suggestion of . Basically, the person would look like they were emerging through a dense fog. I wanted to play with painting the least amount of detail and still be able to convey a memory or emotion. I haven't quite worked out how to do this, as is apparent on my first painting.

The painting is not complete, but already is starting to feel a bit generic. I am going to cover it in with a very thick layer of wax after I finish the details of the face. I want it to be subtle as possible but my fear it that there isn't enough details or that it will be too plain. I don't want to add too much detail either. There's a balance, but I don't think I have found it yet. Part of me wanted to just trash the whole idea but I've decided that I need to experiment a bit more before I give up. Hopefully I will figure out how to make what I see in my head a reality. 

The Last of the 2010 Paintings!

I have finally waxed the last three paintings of 2010! These will also be the last of the "Forgotten Memories" pieces for a little while. I will be working on a new series for 2011 and occasionally, when the right photo appears, I will add to the "Forgotten Memories" series. I am very excited to start a new body of work, and I am really hoping that what I see in my head can actually be transferred successfully into paintings. It's so frustrating when I can't articulate what I want in my paintings.

"Intimate Moment", 30" x 30", oil and encaustic wax on panel

"Two Guys, One Pipe", 24" x 30", oil and encaustic wax on panel

"Sitting in the Shadows" 24" x 24", oil and encaustic wax on panel

Dilemmas and Hard Choices

Times are tough. The economy still sucks and, as most artists could tell you, sales are slow. It is definitely a tough time to be a full-time artist. My husband is a free-lance audio engineer/ video editor so neither one of us has a regular paycheck coming in. I have been supplementing our income with math tutoring, working 6 hours a week. It doesn't seem like much, but it pays some important bills.  Despite these "rough" times, we seem to be doing fine financially, and are very happy with what we are doing with our lives. Could we use a little more money? Sure. Would it be nice to have health benefits again? Yes. Would it be nice to have a steady, predictable paycheck? Definitely. So when I got an email about a possible job teaching from January to May, I had to seriously consider what I wanted to do versus what my family needed.

I quit my teaching job in June of this year because I wanted more time to focus on painting. My work was starting to get noticed, and I was having to supply enough galleries that painting part-time just wasn't going to work anymore. I made all of the necessary steps in order to insure that my husband and I could survive without the reliable extra income. Like I said, things are fine. So when I first got the email about the teaching position, my first reaction was "no, definitely not!" But as I learned more about the job, I started to waiver.

Now, let's step back for a bit so that I can tell you a little about myself. I am responsible, almost to a fault. I pay my bills on time, I always show up to appointments early, and I make the responsible choice a majority of the time. I'm the person that is usually in charge of organizing activities or running events because people know that I can handle the responsibility and do a good job. My quitting my teaching job was a HUGE step, and very unlike my usual self. But I felt that I needed to do this, not only for my career, but also for my mental well-being (I have been called "up-tight" more than a few times!).

So now here we are, 6 months of painting and not doing the "responsible thing", and an opportunity lands in my lap. Do I take the job which will enable me to have a regular paycheck, possible health insurance, and will keep me from going through our savings account when sales are slow? It is a temporary job that will only last through May and the schedule isn't that bad. I would be teaching a subject that I love (math) and would be working with some good kids who really need a teacher to finish out the school year. The responsible me says "yes, take the job".

But then there's the part of me who thinks about the time I would be away from the studio, not painting. I think about waking up at the crack of dawn (ugh). I think about the times I was working full-time and painting, and how that was exhausting. Could I do it again? Do I even want to? It took such guts on my part to go against my nature and quit my job in order to pursue my art career. Would I somehow be demeaning my integrity as an artist by taking this job? How would I talk about my "leap" into full-time painting at the upcoming encaustic conference if I took a temp job teaching full-time? All these thought were racing through my head. It was going to be a hard decision.

I decided to meet with the principal of the school and see what he had to offer. After all, I may not even qualify for the job (I am only qualified to teach up to 10th grade) and my career dilemma would be a moot issue.

The meeting went well and I was leaning towards doing the responsible thing. Fortunately/ unfortunately it is now out of my hands. I am waiting to find out if HR will accept me on an emergency credential and approve my hiring. It could go either way. This district is known for making things difficult, I know from personal experience. I've decided to leave it up to "fate". If I am approved, and all the pay rates/ conditions are right, I will take the job. If HR puts up a stink, then I am back to being a full-time artist. Sometimes I am hoping things work out and I can start teaching again in January. Sometimes I really hope that they don't so that I don't have to worry about making that decision (I would still have to accept the job if I am approved). I guess we'll find out in a couple of weeks...!